Attack Of The Killer Vacuum Cleaner

A study was done by the Consumer Product Safety Commission to find out which household appliance was the most dangerous and/or life threatening. According to their findings, the washing machine was the most likely to injure you. I remember once, when I was little, I got my hand caught in the wringer of my Aunt Mary’s washing machine. Clothes dryers are more likely to kill you. I can imagine, just hearing what it sounds like when sneakers go bumping around on the inside. Your clothes may be wash & wear, but you better check the label for dry & wear. But the most likely cause for injury around the house comes from floor-care equipment. Does that mean I should give up my Swiffer? Actually, the annual cost for medically treated injuries work out to somewhere in the ballpark of $1.1 billion for floor-care equipment accidents, $0.8 billion for washing machines injuries and $0.3 for clothes dryers. Of course I don’t know what type of injuries can happen with a vacuum cleaner, although I’ve heard cases of “male-related emergency room stories” (I apologize for that visual), but I would image the damage done by a clogged vent on a clothes dryer starting a house fire might garner a larger annual figure. I guess there are more men with vacuums than houses with dryers.

Also, it was determined that driving faster sober is more dangerous than driving slower and drunk because the force of impact at 90 miles an hour is greater than the force of a crash at 20 mph. Hmm.

Also you should do your personal grooming at home and that includes shaving. At least use a rechargeable shaver, a bowl of hot soapy water could spill, plus you could nick yourself very badly what with all the potholes in the road.

Speaking of driving, forget the cell phone issue as being dangerous. There are various other distractions to avoid while driving. Another study was done on the most distracting foods. Of course we all know that coffee is the number one distracting food. It’s HOT. And expensive, as Stella Liebeck so lucratively pointed out. The same could be said for hot soup. Barbecued food is also on the list of distracting foods. I can see that. I mean, I know how tough it is to keep a Hibachi going just standing in front of it. And likewise with fried chicken. Chocolate is really a problem and more of a cardinal sin to waste it and so naturally my fingers end up in my mouth, lavishly licking each one, one at time, savoring every last bit. Invariably, though, some chocolate gets on my steering wheel. The trick is to position yourself and keep your eyes on the road at the same time. It comes with practice.

I could go on an on, but the basics apply to other things, you just have to choose your distractions carefully and know in advance how to resolve them.

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One Response to “Attack Of The Killer Vacuum Cleaner”

  1. Melissa Says:

    You know, thank goodness there are people out there looking out for me! Little did I know that I had a killer in my very own hall closet!!!

    And glad to see that cold cereal did not appear on the list of distracting foods. I guess that means that I will continue to NOT be distracted while eating my breakfast on the way to work each morning (while driving a stick shift).

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