Special Delivery

What a beautiful day it was yesterday, wasn’t it? I was only somewhat aware of how nice it was as I saw the sun shining through my office window against a sky the color of blue chrome until I went out to get my mail and breathed in the unexpectedly warm autumn air. I crossed my front lawn, my feet slightly rolling over the blanket of fallen acorns, too many even for the deer to keep up with. To my surprise, the mailbox was full, almost to the point of overflowing, mostly with glossy mail order catalogs and a few assorted first class envelopes; bills and such. The stack was easily a hefty three inches thick. I grabbed the stack and instantly panic, fear and virtual heart failure ensued at the sight of the spider with the one inch leg span that went flurrying across the top of the stack. How the mail ended up back in the box as opposed to the lawn is a mystery to me, and I hesitated for moment, thinking what to do. Leave it? Bring it into the house? If so, how? Carry it? I chose to bring it in, eschewing a momentary thought of getting a pair of work gloves and carried it between the thumb and forefinger of one hand, stretched out at my side as far as I could get it. I didn’t want to walk too fast for fear of all that slick mail sliding out of my grasp, but I didn’t want to take too much time in case that infernal creature was still with me and give it time to attack. I got to the front door and dropped the mail onto the floor and I proceeded to shake out every envelope and catalog…TWICE until I was moderately confident I was critter free.  I then went out with a flashlight to investigate to see if it was still in the box, but against the glaring sun, the flashlight was futile.  With the mail still splayed across the foyer floor, I returned outside a third time , this time with a can of Ortho spider spray and doused the interior of my mailbox. Hopefully I got that S.O.B. and I can only hope my mailman isn’t puffing on a cigarette when he comes today. To be on the safe side, in case it was still hiding between the pages of my Popcorn Factory cataloge, I placed the stack of mail on the floor as opposed to ritualistically on my red chair.  And it goes without saying, I’m apprehensive about picking up my mail later on today.

In other news, in Dayton, Tennessee, it looks like teachers have a new high tech sort of teacher’s pet. Grade Cam. Whatever you might be thinking this is, you might be right. Its one more technological marvel that has wormed its way into the classroom among the likes of movie projectors and wireless keyboards and teachers are really excited about it. It’s a camera that takes a picture of students’ tests and grades them. One teacher assures that it won’t be used 100% of the time for 100% of the assignments, but that it will give the children practice for standardized tests. Another teacher exclaimed that the thing she likes most about it is the time it would free up for her aid to work with the kids in the class. Aha!

Two things about this baffle me. One, if  teaching is one of the more underappreciated and underpaid professions, how can school systems justify such silliness?  And to that end, the second thing that perplexes me is, that if teachers are so underpaid, how can they abide by this, knowing their salaries are being spent so foolishly? And to those teachers so gung-ho over this new innovation I ask, why can’t they grade papers at night, at home?  Is Dancing With The Stars that important? Are teachers that disconnected with their students that they can’t even grade papers without the help of some piece of technology? Is isolationism now being taught in schools, starting with the teachers not having a bond with the kids? And why does she need an aid? What is she so busy not doing that she can’t teach a class by herself? And why is the aid grading papers in the first place? Let her get a class of her own to teach.

Think you’ve seen it all? Think again. Well, you know about the Snuggie, the blanket with sleeves, available in bright enticing colors; Royal blue, burgundy and sage green. Then we got a choice of wild and vivacious leopard or zebra prints. What else could there be? Well, this:

 

 

How humiliating, yet lucky at the same time. They get custom made sizes, while we have to deal with one size fits all. Coming soon, kitty snuggies and ones to fit your parakeet and your goldfish. That would be the wash and wear version. But would your parakeet be able to work the TV remote?  

  doggie snuggie  Pathetic!

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