You know last week was Thanksgiving and Black Friday and according to the news, it was just a mad frenzy of stupidity like the world has not known before. There were people squeezing under metal security doors to get into stores, stampeding to specialty items that were going on a special sale, suffering bruises and fractures in the process and in one case a woman firing pepper spray at a crowd to ward them away from the last Xbox. Frickin’ idiots, every last one of them.
Well, I made it through unscathed. Cyber Monday, that is. It was a long rough day at work and I still had my Christmas shopping to do, so after dinner, I sat, armed with my credit card, the TV remote, a few hours to spare with no motivation.
I first thought about the kids on my list, but heeded the warning of which board games to stay away from.
The game of LIFE is out because it teaches that life if not worth living unless you have money. Well, duh! Operation teaches kids how to deal with the black market of medicine and how to perform a live dissection. Yeah, the cartoon guy on the board told me to remove his bread basket. Forget the Where’s Waldo series of books because that would just lead the kid to become a stalker. Or maybe a revered scientist or author or lawyer with an acute sense of observation. Don’t Wake Daddy, a game I never heard of, apparently teaches kids to be sneaky and to do things that pop wouldn’t approve of. Well maybe it does. What the hell do I know? Hungry, Hungry Hippos is also a delusional game that mistakenly teaches kids that hippos are friendly marble eaters that come in pretty pastel colors. What Hungry, Hungry Hippos does teach is how loud a game it really is. For that alone, it should be left on the store shelves. Candyland. Well, right there is a red flag. It’s a definite promoter of child obesity sending out the message that it’s okay to have poor eating habits. I say the problem with Candyland is the newfangled design of the board. Give me the version I had when I was a kid instead of sugar fairies and lollipop princesses. Then I thought maybe a good old fashioned deck of Old Maid cards, but then again, it would send out the wrong message that if you’re not married, an old maid, so to speak, by the end of the game, you’re just a loser all around. And what kind of hope would a 6 or 7 year old have after that?
Anybody for a game of tag?
By the time I got to the last of the kids on my list, realizing that none of them was getting a thing, I decided to buy myself a gift. I can’t wait until Christmas morning to see what it is.