Things That Don’t Exist

One thing I found that doesn’t exist is the Home Depot at the address both my and Ariel’s GPS’s insisted on directing us to yesterday afternoon. We were on a quest to get a few additional flood spot lights for the house, you know, to spotlight the house and the trees at night and a some replacement bulbs for the ones that had burned out along the front walk. We live equidistant between two Home Depot stores but chose the one that closer to our grocery store for on the way home. As it turns out, that item, which we’ve had lo these many years is being phased out and our store was out of stock. The salesman’s little handheld gizmo told us of the other store that had several of them still in stock and after making our purchase at this store, tore off to get the other lamps.

We followed Ingrid’s directions to the letter but there was no Home Depot in our path. What was there was pharmaceutical building–each of the four times we drove past that spot. Well, maybe it wasn’t on the right, after all. Perhaps by some hard to believe quirk, the Home Depot was actually on the left, nestled among the wooded area behind yet another office building. Nope. Not so. Okay, time to resort to good old fashioned wizardry. I found the phone number and called and it rang and rang and rang, for about two minutes. I found another phone number and it apparently belonged to a fax machine because, well, you know that sound fax machines make.

Finally Ariel found a working number and discovered where the store was. YES! It was on the very highway we were on, on the southbound side (where we were) and seemingly in the town where we were…but further down the road.

After we left the store with our purchase and got gas (at 4 something a gallon!) I searched that store again on my GPS and again it gave me the first address where the pharmaceutical place was. With some clever thinking, I searched another store that was in the same complex and it came up with a different town. Apparently, the store is officially listed in one town, but we had just crossed into the town where the GPS (and the salesman at the first store) said it was. It’s that Bridgewater/Raritan/Bridgewater/Flemington township configuration.

Yeah, so…. Didja ever notice how people being interviewed on TV sort of trail off with that phrase in an answer to a question?

You know what else doesn’t exist? Or rather didn’t? I didn’t realize it to be fact until I read the article the other day. Dinosaurs did not co-exist with man. It’s true! A study was done to refute the idea the Fred Flintstone could have kept a dinosaur as a house pet. The article was accompanied by a picture of Fred, Wilma and Dino and the caption asked what was wrong with the picture? Being a fan of the Flintstones, I thought, hmm, what could it be? Another moutless face? (In one of the versions of the closing credits of the TV show, one could see Wilma sound asleep in her bed…with no mouth) Maybe something of an “adult” nature mistakenly drawn into the tea stains on Fred’s tunic?  Alas, no, it was that this Modern Stone Age family had a dinosaur as a pet. Could a cure for the common cold been a loftier use of scientific calculations? World hunger? How to find a friggin Home Depot?

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