Archive for the ‘Stupid News’ Category

Who Really Wins Here?

April 1, 2011

Well, I see Commander posted his own blog last night. I’m wondering how he did that, actually. I better watch it, not sure what other talents he’s acquired since his reincarnation.  Maybe that’s why his predictions have been uncharacteristically off, he’s been preoccupied with how to publish his own columns.

I understand Snooki is receiving $32,000 to imbue her life’s philosophy of “Study hard, but party harder”. One freshman at the college thought the price was a bargain considering the Jersey Shore’s popularity. Meanwhile, Nobel prize winning novelist Toni Morrison, is being paid a cool $30,000, to deliver the school’s commencement address in May,  two thousand dollars shy of the fee that’s coming out of the mandatory student activity fee for Snooki. Sounds almost like the St. Olaf Emergency Statue Fund. (episode 132: If At Last You Do Succeed, 10/6/90) That’s certainly understandable, that extra 2K will no doubt go into her trademark pouf.

And what is she going to talk about? How to be tan? How to do laundry? How to write a novel? And speaking of novel, can I sue for the opening line of the article I read about it this morning: “The pouf is mightier than the pen when it comes to speaking fees at New Jersey’s largest university”?

Hey, wait a second…is this an April Fool’s joke?

Signs of completion are upon us. The door is up, the light is lit, the debris and tarps are gone, the carpet was professionally vacuumed, the garage is cleaned out of construction materials. All that remains to be done is a fresh piece of base molding for the floor where there never was any and to cover one small piece above the inside of the door, where a beam in the roof is visible. Those will be completed today. I hope THAT’s not an April Fool’s joke. And if it really happens that the patio lights get installed tomorrow, then I’ll have to start thinking of other topics to blog about…until the stonework outside begins. Unless it’s about the new iPod Touch I got yesterday to replace my old dying iPod, one of the first origial “generations”, the type you had to turn a crank to get it started…

Have a great weekend everyone.  And just because, enjoy this clip with Ginger Rogers and Frances Mercer from Vivacious Lady (1938)

The Day The Music Died

March 25, 2011

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough was the “Brady Bunch Moment” song and it was a commendable offering and then the OH MY GOD moment—Stevie Wonder appeared. Who saw that one coming? Oh, there’s a joke basting in bad taste in there somewhere, but I need fate on my side to oust Haley tonight, so I’ll behave. Apparently it was Steven Tyler’s birthday and Little Stevie Wonder was a surprise for him.

Time for the results. First up…Pia, Lauren and Scotty. All safe! And the first three inducted into the Top 10 for the Tour.

Then Sugarland broke up the monotony with their performance of Stuck Like Glue.

James and Paul were up next and oh! Damn that Ryan tells them they’re both not safe. He meant really not safe and then Hulk Hogan comes out from behind the curtain, (I’m calling it a curtain. It’s really a doorway that slides open) a quick callback to the footage of the two contestants demonstrating their wresting skills. He announces that both of them are safe and going on the Tour and then with one sock to the face, sends Ryan flying into the audience. Paul…safe? Really?

Jacob, Thia and Stefano up next: Jacob is safe, that’s a given. Thia is in the bottom 3. Not one of my picks and Stefano also in the bottom 3. I’m all bummed and, off my game.

Casey, Haley and Naima: Naima was safe. Again, I’m glad, being that she’s my favorite but I really thought she was in jeopardy after she danced in the street. Stefano in the bottom 3? Come on, people! Damn it! And Casey was in the bottom 3. Also not my favorite, not by a long shot but come on….was America on drugs Wednesday night?

Well, you might not believe this, but at this point in my commentary there are 14 minutes left to the show so I have to make an emergency guess and say of those three, I’d like to say Casey would be the one to go, simply because he’s irritating to me, and also to my friend and supporter, Gary (thanks, Gary, btw…and you know what I mean, Brian told me what you did!) but I know, even though he’s in the bottom 3, he’s kinda popular. Look, if Haley could sail through…. and yeah, Stefano had a rough night…oh no, do could it be him? Thia did a good job though. Could they use a save tonight? I need to make a guess because Jennifer Hudson just finished singing and she looks fab! I have to say, Casey, based simply on his performance, added to the irritation factor. Oh, wait, Haley was safe, so that means I can say it… Stevie Wonder didn’t see it coming either! Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Thia is safe, and I suddenly have a sick feeling in the pit of my teeny little tummy. The person with the lowest number of votes is Casey! YES!!!!!! Stefano is safe! They blew the save, not even a quarter of the way through his song.

So, there you are folks, the scales were definitely off kilter this week that no one, not even Stevie could see coming. And what’s this nonsense about ‘if something like this were to occur, it was pre-determined there’d be a top 11 in the Tour’. Cut me some slack, Jack!

Until next time…..

 

 

The Day The Music Died

Look at me giving Commander top billing today. Hey, that’s how I roll.

Well, the music didn’t really die, it’s sort of in state of purgatory. That’s right, my iPod is dying a slow death. But thanks to PD Rescue my entire iPod is backed up on my external drive and all ready to be loaded into my new iPod, whenever I get one. Maybe with…oh, get this…after my bitching about my check to the Federal income tax not clearing, it cleared yesterday and my return for my refund will be on its way this morning, so if my iPod can hang on for a little while longer I’ll be happy.

So, here’s something I find a tad unnecessary. It’s a new doll made by a Spanish company, Berjuan,  called Bebé Glotón, that is equipt to teach little girls about breast feeding. It comes with a halter top, decorated with two strategically placed daisies and when the dolly is placed near those daisies, it starts to make a sucking sound. It’s said that the doll will teach the other side of bottle feeding a baby. But is it necessary for a six year old to know how to breastfeed? People are arguing that dolls that come with bottles depict an unnatural way of feeding a baby, but I think that since 6 year-olds aren’t fully equipt to do otherwise, pretending to feed with a bottle is just fine. And bully for the United States Health Resources and Services Administration for wanting 75% of all mothers to breast feed for at least six months in 2011 and they think this Breast Milk Baby will help reach that goal. What’s next, baby bump pillows for those 6 year olds?

Well, Commander used up all my time, but that’s okay, because there’s always next week for some other stuff I got for you. Y’alls’ms have a great weekend now, you hear?

Once More Through The Ringer

March 16, 2011

And once more I’m a day late with this story, only because I had a couple of busy days and didn’t blog. Seems that the American Flag was once again the object of someone’s disapproval. It was displayed on a glass enclosed bulletin board in a Haddonfield, NJ board of education’s superintendent’s office, where it had been present for at least 25 years and someone decided to complain about it. The Board Administrator, Andrew Hall immediately removed the offending decal. But, Hall reconsidered and said in a telephone interview last Friday afternoon that there would be a replacement flag on the bulletin board the middle to end of next week (meaning, I believe, this week).

I immediately had one question, which should be fairly obvious, but who has that much disregard for the flag to be bullied into removing it from anywhere? Good Lord, are we that lily-livered and brainwashed in this country that we have to consistently cowtow to those who don’t like something?  What about those of us who are offended by people who find everything offensive? If anyone is that offended by our flag, let them go where the flag is more pleasing.  And the second question that came into my mind was why would it have to take so long to put another one on the bulletin board?

Had a pretty full weekend. We did some work around the house. I started some more seedlings, this time for some bell peppers. My tomatoes are growing like weeds as are my oregano and thyme. We got our soaker hoses and got them into the garden beds. We finally had a fire in our firepit Saturday night after the great disappearing act of 2011 which unwittingly turned our foursome into a threesome, and the three of us shivered ourselves into a stupor while the fire petered out.

Both days over the weekend, Jim was here working on the new closet, which, according to him yesterday should be completed by next Wednesday even though he’ll be leaving later on today to visit with his wife after his three week stay up here in New Jersey. His son will oversee the rest of the work.

Monday was my mother’s birthday and for the first time in I don’t know how long we actually did dinner on the day. We had our traditional St Patty’s Day dinner we normally have for her birthday. This year’s corned beef was the best I think we’ve ever had and quite frankly, I can’t wait for tomorrow because we’re having leftovers for dinner. Even after the near catastrophe of my soda breads baking into the heating coils in my oven (and the timer inadvertently being turned off) they came out just perfect.

Oh yeah, CO news! Still nothing. Maybe today, who knows? But as of last Friday, when I went to town hall to speak to the head guy in person, he told me the building inspector still hadn’t signed off on his inspection. The Hell….?

“Wait a minute. Do you mean ta….why you!” and then he, Tom Powers, slapped her.

The Disappearance Of…

January 25, 2011

The Common Core State Standards had omitted cursive writing from its standards, standards that represent a set of expectations for a student’s knowledge and skills that high school graduates need to master to succeed in college and careers. No inference is made that cursive writing is such a standard and has already begun to disappear from some classrooms and in the next few years could be completely phased out in most school systems.

It’s because today’s youth spends most of their time texting or typing on the computer or other such communications device and one teacher in an Athens, Georgia school said she’s had to stop writing in cursive on the board because a lot of her students aren’t able to read it and she has to print.

Perhaps they should also do away with English class and learning how to speak. I mean, it’s becoming such an isolated society anyway…  A prime example; take  the mother and daughter duo I witnessed one night when we were out to eat who sat across from each other, each on their phones, texting away and either completely ignoring each other or maybe they were communicating between themselves with their phones. Who knows?

But what happens when the bottom falls out and computers around the globe crash and cell towers are felled like dead trees and no one can get a signal–how will we communicate? I guess a fingerprint or an iris scan will be the way we’ll identify ourselves since there will no longer be person’s unique signature. I can see it now, running into a celebrity and asking, “Can you fingerprint my autograph book?”

I forgot to mention in my blog yesterday that along with putting the rooms back together after the carpeting went down, we had to cut down 7 doors. Thankfully I just happen to have a table saw tucked away in my bag of tricks. We considered having it done, but at $35 per door, we figured we could do the job ourselves.

You know what else might be on the way out? The use of credit cards. More and more, people are using their iPhones, Droids or Blackberrys to pay at the cash register (now there’s an oxymoron sort of). They can even lend a friend some money by bumping phones. It’s just as well anyway, because who will be able to sign the charge receipt? Michael Abbott, the CEO of Isis, a new mobile payment network told CNNMoney “This is a chance to bring payments forward from the plastic age and the vinyl records age to the digital age.” What happens if your battery is dead? Or you can’t get a signal? Or you’re walking along texting and fall into a fountain like Cathy Cruz Marrero. Come on…..really?

Here’s an aside: the woman has a criminal record and she still has the audacity to threaten the Pennsylvania mall with a lawsuit for untold humiliation after the now fired security guard leaked the footage that has been views more than 3.5 millions times in one week. So, what now?  A ban on texting while walking? Can no one use any logic anymore?

You know what’s NOT disappearing? The snow! Looks like we’re in for more starting tomorrow night and we could get as much as 1-3 or 4-8 inches by Thursday morning. Now how is that for a prediction? Looks like the repair job I did on my mailbox will get an official road test. Maybe I shouldn’t say “road”.

And what’s so bad about vinyl records, Mr. Abbott?

Another Runny Egg

January 14, 2011

Seems like I’m a day late and a dollar short yet again with a certain news story. You know, it’s no wonder why the state of New Jersey is so often ridiculed and we residents often angry. The latest idiotic bill proposal, which thankfully got withdrawn, was that New Jersey bicycle riders would have had to register their “motor vehicles”, from tricycles to mountain bikes at a cost of $10 a year with the Division of Motor Vehicles. Riders would have been required to attach a licence plate that read BICYCLE to their bikes to prove it was actually registered. The bill wasn’t meant to impose a burden or and additional cost (ahem…10 dollars?) but, according to Assemblywoman Cleopatra Tucker, who initiated the proposal, it was meant to protect elderly pedestrians who swamped her office with calls with complaints about kids on bikes. Hmm, well it seems to me, with or without a license plate, kids will still be on bikes and there will still be elderly pedestrians. Were the bill to go through, bike owners would have had to provide year, model, color, weight, serial number, owner’s address, date purchased and the amount of sales tax they paid on it. What’s next, paying for the air we breathe?

Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks have announce their Heart and Soul Tour which kicks off in March in Ft Lauderdale, Florida. They’ll be at Madison Square Garden on March 26. Guess who’s going to try like hell to get tickets? They go on sale January 21 at 10am.

Recently I’ve been getting email notifications about a website that lists some very vital information about you, from your address to your yearly income. But you can get yourself off this site. It’s called Spokeo. Spokeo.com. I heard about this a while back from The Radio Chick, who is currently on hiatus from her interactive internet radio/tv show to promote and tour with the resurrected Gong Show. Anyway, if you go to Spokeo .com and type in your name and search. A list of names will appear on the left. When you locate yourself, click on it and then click on the address bar to highlight the info–this is your URL–, right click and choose copy. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and find “privacy” in the run of options that include “about” “blog” “directory”, “privacy”. This will open a new page. In the URL line, right click and choose paste, then put your email address in the appropriate space and type in the Captcha Code and click on the REMOVE LISTING button. I don’t remember if you get a confirmation email to activate your deactivation; you might, so be prepared. They say it could take 24 hours to take effect but when I did it, it was immediate.

I think I’ll go have a runny egg. That, for those that don’t know, serving runny eggs here in the Great Garden State was against the law back in ‘92, punishable with a $25-$100 fine, before it was rescinded.

M*SS*SS*PP*

January 6, 2011

Something missing in my title?  I’m probably gonna get myself in trouble for this, but I wonder who exactly this dingbatted move is supposed to benefit. Scholar Allan Gribben of Auburn University in Montgomery, Alabama is set to publish a cleaned up version of one of America’s most beloved pieces of literature. Mark Twain’s “Huckleberry Finn” is about to hit the shelves with each one of the 219 instances of the “N” word being replaced with “slave”. Gribben says he is eliminating a word that is a clear barrier for many people. ‘Indian Joe’ will be the new name for ‘Injun Joe’ and ‘half-breed’ will henceforth be a more peaceable ‘half-blood’. Take note, Cher! 

I learned at a young age the word was bad and in the years since I don’t think I’ve said it once, not even in a quote from some other source. The closest I’ve come was actually saying “N-word”. You may think I’m full of it, but that kind of lesson kind of sticks with you. (Rubs hand across butt cheek) And nowadays, when just about everything you say has to be measured because even if someone is having a bad hair day and has a cowlick, the mere mention of it could be misconstrued as derogatory, the use of the N-word is even more a no-no, except within that particular community. How do you figure? So, how bad a word can it be? But, to each his own. (Just let me have mine as well.)

Editing the classic story would be like editing Michelangelo’s David and cutting off his nasty bits, (I know it’s been covered with a cloth is some cases) and to cite an example from the article I read about this entire literary travesty, to make things equal across the censorship board, you’d have to take out the adultery factor in “The Scarlet Letter” as well and then you have Hester Prynne wearing a red upper-case A on her chest. Must be for her middle name. Hmm, maybe it was Abigail.

I have to admit, and I think I mentioned this at the time, but when we saw the latest production of Lillian Hellmann’s “The Little Foxes” on the stage recently, the N word was used and it was a bit uncomfortable, as there were certain members of the audience who might have missed the historical value of such dialogue. Historical yes, because it depicts a time when this attitude was more the norm and we can only learn from the past. And if future generations miss out on the passion with which these works were created, (not to mention not knowing what not winning at a game is like) then they miss out on making up their own minds as to what is right and wrong, good and bad, tasteful or not and may as well stay cooped up in their cloistered MP3 generated worlds. And then what happens when little Johnny runs across his dear departed grandfather’s dusty old copy in some trunk in the attic one day, the one that is overflowing with the N-word, this curious odd word that nobody is around to explain what it is; well, unless Gribben also initiates a total seizure of volumes with original text.

Meanwhile, such golden nuggets as “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky,” seem to be acceptable reading material. This taken from the much anticipated “A Shore Thing” by The Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. Hmm, on second thought, I guess that also reflects the times. Sad.  

Always Leave ‘Em Laughing

November 1, 2010

Speaking of comedy, I found this sort of funny. There’s a man in Indiana who has claims against a comedy club for being mistreated. The man, David Showers, is hearing impaired and his request for an interpreter was refused. Showers was told by club owner Chris Bowers, the club could not provide one for him but told him he was welcome to bring his own…for the price of another ticket. So, then it became an issue with the Americans With Disabilities Act who was looking into whether the business has explored their ability to provide such a service. The club is a small business with fourteen employees and the owner, Bowers, says the cost of having an interpreter is not something they can currently withstand. The hearing impaired man has also been relentless in his attempts to get on the clubs stage as a performer, but has been told by the proprietor he wasn’t good enough. Now both sides have retained attorneys until the case can be heard….pun intended. I mean, isn’t kind of like suing an art gallery because you’re blind and can’t see the paintings? Shouldn’t you really know your limitations?

Speaking of blind… while we were visiting some friends this weekend in the Poughkeepsie Area of New York, we went for a walk along the Hudson River Walkway. (I took pictures and I’ll post them tomorrow). On the opposite side of the river were a few concession stands and some porta-potties. I had to go, so, in I went and it was a fairly roomy one, equipt also with a baby changing station, like the kind you see in any other rest room. But what I had never noticed before on them, since I’ve never really had the necessity to be so close to one, was what imagined to be instructions written in Braille. I kind of chuckled at the visions I had conjured up in my head all of a sudden, but then I convinced myself that changing diapers isn’t an exclusively seeing person’s task.

‘Tis November and that means it’s time to celebrate. It’s International Drum Month and Peanut Butter Lover’s Month. And being the first of the month, there is a new quote and logo on my main website.

And after last night, the World Series standings are at SF 3, Texas 1. Tonight could be it!

Here Comes The Bride (and some cash)

October 28, 2010

It was a small wedding really, only 30 guests. The bride, aged 30, with her career in good standing, and having been uninspired by the men she’d been meeting, decided it was time to get married so she plunked down close to $6000 to hire a wedding planner, to rent a banquet hall and to buy a flowing white dress. Her wedding, much publicized online, has been met with mostly sympathetic comments. Chen Wei-yih, of Taipei, Taiwan married….herself. She’s also going on a solo honeymoon to Australia. Even though her mother was against this groomless ceremony, she got on board with it. Wei-yih knows that she cannot register a marriage to herself but if she finds a man later on, she will wed again. Will she wear white? And I wonder what will happen in the meantime if she starts to leave the cap off the toothpaste.

Speaking of wacky, we all remember Constance McMillen, don’t we? She was the lesbian who wasn’t allowed to go to the prom with her girlfriend. Well, her ship finally came in; the school district in Mississippi where the infraction took place, has been ordered to fork over $81,000 in legal fees in the civil rights case. Yup, I need to think real hard about something I wasn’t permitted to, or something somebody said to me that might have been off color and initiate a lawsuit over it. I need some money. I have a house addition that would be great to pay for with some found money. But, I guess I’m too stupid and do things the hard way; I take life’s lumps as they come. Too bad Wei-yih’s story only just came out now, McMillen could have taken a cue and gone by herself to the prom.

Speaking of addition, I got word yesterday that Lou will be getting out of the hospital on Friday, but will have to be in a wheelchair. His one son called to say he and his brother will be here today and I will try to find out the particulars as to how long he is to be wheelchair bound and of course what impact that has on the completion of the work.

No walk this morning. We both slept almost until the time we would have been returning. It was a late night watching Game 1 of the World Series. The Giants won, so, in a way, it was worth it.

What else? Okay, here, I’ve had this for a long time, maybe you’ve seen it also. So then, here it is again. How many people do you see? How about now?

The Muse Speaks

October 22, 2010

I took a chance and watched the Phillies game last night and they won! So, now they’re back in Philadelphia tomorrow night for game 6. There’s still hope, but they need a 3-game winning streak to make the Series. And I watched the Yankees so intently last night that they didn’t even show up to the game. No, they didn’t play, that was a lame attempt at way to early in the morning, before my coffee has had a chance to kick in humor.

I just read the outcome of a court hearing for Londoner Mary Bale, who shocked animal lovers the world over when the video tape of her dumping Lola, the four year old tabby into a garbage can surfaced, was fined 265 pounds (that’s $420 if you’re keeping up) for animal cruelty. No harm came to the crying kitty who was in the container for about 15 hours. Bale was tracked down by the cat’s owner, who had installed a closed circuit security camera outside his home after his car had been vandalized. They’re not having any luck in that neighborhood, maybe they should move–just sayin’. The judge accepted the fact that Bales was under a great deal of stress at the time–her father was seriously ill and has since died–but was unmoved that she had no answer as to why she acted in such an “impulsive and irrational” way.

I see wine and cheese in my future.

And maybe some whine and sheesh. Going back to the word amazing for a moment… I don’t know if I ever said this to you or not, but at the beginning of this television season, I declared that any show that used that word more than twice in a single episode was going to be stricken from my viewing schedule. Well, that hasn’t happened, even though it’s bandied about like a tennis ball sometimes. And really, as much as I love her, Ellen DeGeneres is the worst offender. Every guest is amazing in his or her own way, from appearance, to singing, to dancing. It also describes the latest movie and the taste of a dish a visiting celebrity chef might prepare on stage. I’ve decided it’s time to start offering alternatives to describe certain things, otherwise, the taste of a tofu and veggie non-egg omelette would have the same importance as the diamond encrusted collar on Paris Hilton’s purse-sized pooch.

In the name of dance, to start the proceedings, I offer, rather than say “That was amazing!” (oh, thank you, I dance like a plate of tofu…)perhaps the dance routine could be described thusly: “It was as if you were touched by the hand of Terpsichore”. (Silence from the audience).

And lastly, once again, I thank you all on Lucille’s behalf for your donations. The walk is this Sunday and I’m leaving you with one last reminder. It’s not too late. Donate! 

A Little Of This…

September 14, 2010

Here’s a dichotomy of expectations. I just read the results of a study about how having a firm handshake is a sign of a longer life expectancy. In the same study, they found those who were slow walkers were nearly three times as likely to die during that study period and people who were slow to get out of their chairs had nearly double the chance of dying as opposed to quick risers. I immediately thought of myself. I rather pride myself on my firm handshake–I rather get the willies from a limp handshake (and if it’s sweaty it’s even more sickening) so I right away thought I’ll live to a ripe old age. That’s fine. But then, given my current physical status, it could take me forever to get out of my chair (with a few oohs and oww’s). But then once up and going, I can stroll at a fairly good clip–you know, four miles in an hour. I guess that’s a good clip. I figure the more I talk about it, the more it might guilt me to get back to it and then maybe I can get out my chair fast and with my handshake going for me, I may even see the next millenium.

It’s also getting to be that time when I need to get McGinty back into action and I hope to be working out the next chapter, yet to be named, within the next couple of weeks.

Last night, I contemplated turning my tuna steak into a pair of BVD’s, but I cooked it, well, rather, burned it and had it for dinner instead and watched Lady Gaga on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

How’s this for trying to pull a fast one? There’s a marketing campaign a-brewing aimed at replacing bags of crunchy greasy day-glo orange coated Cheetos with bags of crunchy baby carrots. It’d be kind of like replacing real brewed coffee with something freeze-dried.

While we’re on the topic of food, there’s a German dairy farmer in a small town near Cologne called Neunkirchen-Seelscheid who has opened a “milk filling station”. Customers can come and either bring their own containers or buy bottles there to contain the milk that is dispensed from his 78 cows. The “Milchtankstelle” is open 24/7 and while the 70 cents per liter might be slightly higher than from the supermarket, the milk his customers get is fresher, and because it’s untreated has more proteins and other nutrients than processed milk. People come from as far as Cologne, which is situated about 30 kilometers (about 18 miles) to buy Bruno Stuaf’s milk. Almost, but not quite, like the milk machine that used to be down the corner from my house. It dispensed 1/2 gallons for whatever the amount of money was. One time, I had my little Beatnik troll doll, green with purple hair and I dropped it inside one of the slots in the milk machine. <insert frowny face>. It kind of looked like this:

Speaking of cows, the mystery cause of a rash of eye ailments that effected about 50 visitors to a dairy pavilion at an Australian agricultural show has been determined. It was the ammonia from the concentrated cow urine. Too gross?

Well, I have no new pics of the construction. They’ve been here, but have been doing little things while the brick is once again out of stock. They’ve been grouting–I guess you call it grouting–the brick. Okay, I have one close-up pic of a section that was grouted. It’s cool. They use what essentially is a canvas pastry bag to squirt the cement in between. And then a close up section of ungrouted wall. And then there’s a pic looking out from the pantry. I know, but it’s all I got to work with, unless I arrange their empty iced tea cans into some sort of sculpture and photograph that.