Posts Tagged ‘hot dog buns’

Caution: Life Happening

February 24, 2010

First there was coffee that burns laps when spilled while clenching a paper cup between ones thighs while driving. She should have been drinking my coffee. I swear, I can’t keep it hot long enough to get from my kitchen to my office. Then we had a quick jab at M&M’s because a man chipped a tooth on one. And of course the bonanza of warnings against runny eggs; one week they could kill you, the next they were as safe as water, that is, unless they found something in the water and you had to boil it. But then if you boiled it you couldn’t let your kids near the stove because, God forbid, you should turn your back on the stove for an instant and the kid puts his had on the hot burner. Then it’s a trip to the emergency room and DYFS is called in to haul you-the abusive parent-off to jail while your adoring child gets shipped off with some foster family, who, as it turns out, has a history of pedophilia who got rich from the book deal they had about how they were misunderstood and mistreated by their neighbors and because of privacy laws, you couldn’t  even have known that  they lived next door in the first place. All this because no one parent can keep an eye on a child 100% of the time. In my day, getting burned on the stove was a lesson not to do that again. I also used to ride my bike without a helmet and I turned out alright. I also had parents and family members who didn’t need to take breaks and would watch when I would misbehave and correct me. I’m still alive to talk about it. Fancy that!

Oh, the scenario could go on for days. But now you can add yet another hazzard to every day living–the hot dog. I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, high on the American Academy of Pediatrics’ wishlist is to have choking hazzard labels on packages of hot dogs. Better yet, they’d like to see the weiner redesigned; size, shape, and texture so they won’t get lodged in a baby’s throat. Well, first of all, knowing what goes into a hot dog (or rather, in this case, ignorance is bliss) why would a parent be feeding a hot dog to a baby? But that’s not the point. If the kid just has to have a hot dog, how about a homemade redesign in the kitchen, using a knife and fork? And let us oldsters, who really should know better anyway, but who have mastered the art of chewing, continue to enjoy this grand old American tradition. I like mine with mustard (yellow–it has to be yellow, otherwise it’s not a hot dog), ketchup and relish.

Other  foods that are of similar concern are grapes, bananas, and carrots. Bananas? Don’t they just mush in your mouth? Grapes? How can they be redesigned? Grown larger like an apple? And come on, how many times has anybody gotten overzealous biting into a red delicious and got a piece lodged in their throat? Now we have redesign the apple. Did water ever go down the wrong pipe and make you cough? Has anybody ever blinked their eyes? Think people, we have to find a way to stop blinking.

Well, one bright spot in the article I’m reading about this hellishly dangerous hot dog is Janet Riley’s, president of the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council (didn’t know there was such a thing) take on this issue. She notes that over half the packages of hot dogs sold already have choking prevention tips on their packages but also says, “As a mother who has fed toddlers cylindrical foods…I would ‘redesign’ them with a paring knife until my children were old enough to manage on their own”.

The biggest concern over hot dogs really should be why they are packed in 10’s and hot dog buns are sold in packages of 8. That’s the real hazzard. And who can enjoy a hot dog on a slice of bread? I always refused and was sent out of the kitchen and got told to back away from the TV, I was sitting too close. And then….oh the list goes on and on.

Enough of all that, go see how the newts judged last night’s cavalcade.